Saturday, October 24, 2020

Whoa Nelly!

(aka, the poem in which I lose my damn temper)

I am done with men fucking up after everything I say,
and going ahead with it anyway and then being so fucking surprised:
“I'm surprised! Are you surprised? I was so fucking surprised!”
Oh, you're his friend, are you?
No, I don't know where he went.
Maybe he's down at the store having spent,
his last silver dime on buying back the time he wasted;
or a balm for the consequences he wrought;
or a sense of responsibility; or... I dunno, some fucking shame.
Who knows? Maybe he's dead.
Is it my problem? Stop asking.
Is there something you'd rather have me do instead?
Like, sweety, I'd love to go headhunting with you,
but that boy's gotta make his bed some day.
So, I'm sorry, not my problem, he knew the rules, he knew the cost.
He came in guns blazing; to hell with the consequences,
and got his ass knocked two feet sideways from Tuesday.
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
If you're through, are we done please?
I'm not particularly busy today, but this is not what I had planned,
but if you're laying claim to that trash,
I can offer you a broom and the door.

-o0o-

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Approaching Beltane


So bring a tiny pitcher,
fill it up with milk.
Come set it on the grass,
and wrap it up with silk.
Boil an urn of water.
Sprinkle in some tea.
Pour yourself a cup,
and sit here next to me.
Bring your pewter whistle,
and I'll bring my guitar.
You sing songs for the moon,
and I'll sing songs for a star.
Then wrap ourselves in blankets,
with a fire made of sticks.
I wake up in your arms.
We leave at half past six.

-o0o-

Saturday, September 26, 2020

I cannot wait to die

CW: little bit suicidal


I cannot wait to die,

to be so insubstantial as to have never existed.

I would never be fat again, hated for my body,

I would be so thin you'd never see me.

I would never be transgender again,

an inconvenient patch of grass,

that you can pave over with whatever story you like.

You can call me 'he' and 'him' till the cows come home,

and I will not be there to take it anymore.

To be the skinny man I never was in your imagination.

To be the stranger I never was living in your disappointment.

I cannot wait to die,

so everyone else could experience that absence of being,

as I lived a ghost in my own life,

as if I had this invisible twin brother everyone spoke to,

instead of me.

Maybe when I die I'll meet him, finally, and kill him too.


-o0o-

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Love: A Dictionary Definition

 Love is a noun and a verb

Love is the tongue and the fist

Love is the threat and the delivery

Love is tragic and heartbreaking

Love is the cruelty of cis men

Love is being disappointed with cis men

Love is the unexpected wonder of cis men

Love is transformative

Love is being reminded that history is a circle

Love is being reminded that this doesn’t last

Love is loss and doing it again for the hell of it

Love is beautiful

Love is loneliness in the following years

Love is memory and far too many hours

Love is seeing your face in dream

Love is never being alone

-o0o-

Wednesday, September 09, 2020

13 Love Poems by Charl Landsberg (a copy of my book)

 As always Amazon sucks and my book isn't going to be promoted in any way shape or form... so here's a free copy. Fuck, share it with whomever you like.

HERE

Sunday, August 23, 2020

From a tired atheist...

Look, child, I am not shopping, so stop selling.

No, I don't want a taste of your god.

Yes, I have met god. I've met a few men's gods.

And I've been somewhat, unimpressed.

Men tack gods onto their back pockets,

like collector cards "Look, mine's best! Mine's best!"

But the best gods I've ever met

were the quiet ones who sat on kind tongues

behind contemplative eyes, in compassionate ears,

not interested in saving me, or fixing me,

or damning me, or wanting me dead.

The best gods are teachers, not tyrants.

The best gods are roads, not graves.

You want a god, that's a fine place to be.

If that gives your life meaning and direction, 

that is a good thing and I won't have you any different.

But your god wants to stick his cock in my business;

then I have a problem with both you and your god.

And we know from history the surest way to end gods,

is to end their cultists.


-o0o-

Sunday, August 09, 2020

First and Last Rites

You were my first, you know,
but I wasn't good enough.
You went out looking for yourself:
travelled the world, came back,
...changed...
said how much you hated me...
because I have changed?
How clever you are:
gone digging in other folks' gardens,
just to find my grave.
Sorry I don't have a body or
something for you to bury.
But you've gotten so clever,
finding things that don't belong to you.
Religions. Cultures.
Other men's husbands.
Maybe if you go away,
you can find something,
to put in that grave you found,
or up your ass.

-o0o-


Saturday, August 08, 2020

Autonomy

Autonomy
by Charl Landsberg

Jack prefixes his opinions,
about my body, 
to be tattooed into my flesh with,
"You shouldn't..." and "you must..."
I suffixed his teeth with a brick.
If you want to write a thesis,
bring your own damn ink.
My skin isn't a public canvas.
Shit out your opus elsewhere.

-o0o-

Sunday, July 12, 2020

The Heart of all Things


The Heart of all Things
by Charl Landsberg

There are two kinds of people,
who speak of the deep places:
those who speak in fear and ignorance,
and those you invite you in.
Would you take my hand?
I will show you where the roads come from.
I will show you where the rivers end.
I will show you the heart of all things.
You will call me Blessed Azrael,
and I will call you my friend.

-o0o-

Wednesday, July 08, 2020

Dispelled



And how is it that you unstitch me so,
with one kiss, my every front unseated?
As glamours break you watch them go,
while I sit here, helplessly defeated.
Your soft smile serving a gentle glow,
asking if your spell might be repeated.

-o0o-

Monday, July 06, 2020

mango

mango by charl landsberg

when you use magic to wage battle,
all thats left of you by nightfall,
is the inedible stone of reason,
and the raw flayed skin of sadness.
all goodness sacrificed,
to distant gods of war.
all I'm good for is planting,
and a hope that i grow.

-o0o-

Sunday, July 05, 2020

Consequences


Living with the fallout,
is the hardest part of making the right decision.
I'm not happy here;
but I'll be damned rather than go back.
For all my fault and mistakes I am content;
let the carrion birds have the rest.
We will endure no fire that is not our own.
We will endure no scorn that we are not due.

~Consequences
by Charl Landsberg

-o0o-

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

haruspex

transphobes love demanding access
to trans bodies
playing haruspex with our corpses
telling of our imaged sins
crimes we might commit
if we are allowed to survive

Monday, June 29, 2020

longing



when the person you miss is dead
it's like your heart writing letters to santa claus
you know that nobody is going to get that letter
but your heart has the hope of a toddler
so she writes in broad crayon strokes
on printer paper, in an unmarked envelope
and sent to where those who know better
keep such things

-o0o-

Opal



I’m a little bit broken, starlight sparkle when the light catches,
reflecting back in bits and patches, I’m a little bit broken.
I’m internally shifted, contorted, and aberrant,
enough to affect my market value when cis guys come shopping:
if you’re buying crystal clear, shop on, because I tend to shine.
Every piece of me, even the broken shit, is mine.
I’m a little bit broken, over-sugared-coffee-breath depression.
Anxiety struck lightning glass, pain induced angry bitch.
My insides are nebulae. I give birth to stars.
I bleed daily, and where the drops fall scriptures grow like weeds.
I’m a little bit broken, plural brained, blood stained,
bruise maned, fist trained, and queer who gets up anyway,
and ask to know who the fuck you think you might be,
to think you have the right to fix me.

-o0o-

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Afraid

The owl fell dead from the tree,
nobody noticed.
The moon sunk low into the ocean,
nobody noticed.
The vines gave fruit to rotten meat,
nobody noticed.
The trans girl cried no,
nobody noticed.
Nobody learned.
Nobody listened.
And when the world crumbled around them,
they said,
why didn't you say anything?
History is a circle.
Driven on by dead birds and empty oceans.
Driven on by rotten gardens and transgender tears.
Nobody learns.
Again it happens.
I see it coming.
I have no proof for you.
I have no evidence for the court.
All I have is my screaming stomach.
For the tragedy that comes again, again, again.

-o0o-

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Hiberna


Hiberna
by Charl Landsberg

Lady Winter is here to complain,
her daughter gone again,
the year spun long left with sons-in-law estranged.
She sits on the cherry branch by my window,
"It wouldn't be fair if I didn't rage so,
but nether if for all the world I changed."
I offer her my cup and she accepts with a grin,
as if all of summer hides below silk-cut skin.
The earth sleeps and the craning depths groan,
as cthonic wedlock robs the queen of her kin.

-o0o-

Sunday, June 14, 2020

She told me to Climb



Of all the great sins life has permitted,
the greatest crime I ever committed,
was the failure to love when it mattered most.

There is no punishment that can absolve,
no great moral convolution to resolve,
this, small depravity of which I boast?

Is there justice in my daily parole,
for the wound I put on an innocent soul,
for the failure to love when it mattered most?

I spoke to Time as she visited yesterday,
and she stopped a moment just to say,
"Hope is for the mountains, leave your guilt by the coast."

-o0o-

Friday, June 12, 2020

Cassandra


Invisibility makes pain sinister.
It's a crime with no witnesses.
In a court of public opinion,
it yells: "It's my word versus yours."
Nobody will ever believe you.
Troy still fell.

-o0o-

Tuesday, June 09, 2020

Ode to being Transgender


"I killed an imaginary boy once, 
A lot of people haven't forgiven me.
I stole his shoes, his stuff, his d&d dice.
I live in his bed. 
I read his books.
I regret nothing."
~ Ode to being Trans by Charl Landsberg